It’s been one year this weekend since we packed up our house, loaded the moving van and headed to Tulsa. Lots of tears happened as we said goodbye to our forever friends and our mountain home. The last few weeks have been hard. I’ve wanted to pack up and go back or run away when life was harder than usual. When you walk through trauma, your body has to heal, grieve and move on. But sometimes sitting in the loneliness of what’s happened can be a little overwhelming.
Doing inner healing uncovered a lot of the lies I believed about myself, God and others. God and I partnered on how to undo all the yuck, and in the 4-year healing journey before moving to Tulsa, I thought I was good. When 2020 happened, it became apparent that saying yes to God was going to cost us a lot. However, God brought about a new tribe of Christian friends to walk this path with my children and I. God held our hands, and moved mountains legally, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. He protected us when we couldn’t see the outcome and walked us through everything while proving to be our greatest protector and provider. Starting a new adventure has been harder than expected, but also very freeing.
This is the thing about grief – you never know when it’s coming. I randomly started crying at the store the other day because I saw this sweet family just being a family. My counselor reminded me that this divorce wasn’t something you expected and not where you wanted to be in life. I know it’s important to cry the tears, release all of that anger and find joy and hope on the other side of the grieving. What’s been interesting is sitting, being molded and lead to move forward in a new direction all while continuing to process the grief.
Haven’t a clue what our future holds, but there have been tiny glimmers of hope as we wade into new waters and a new season. I reconnected with Stonecroft Ministries and had a final walk-through on my talk. It’s exciting to start speaking again. Continue to grow a business at work and by God’s grace turn it into a profitable company. Received a promotion in the midst of everything. My kids are growing, healing and laughing again. All of these amazing blessings are happening even when it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. I haven’t got it all figured out, but God does. And He’s the one I have to cling to when I don’t want to show up for life. Also, I need a beach vacation soon and ifykyk.
This is my way of being honest. The grieving has gotten less over time and replaced with more hope. So, for now, I’m holding on because in my heart I know something good is around the corner.