I Don’t Understand

Why I don’t understand.

There are some things about the last four years I will never understand. Not being given clarity around the demise of your marriage is hard to digest. Having very hard conversations, asking to be chosen, going to counseling by yourself, and asking your spouse to participate and not receiving support until the very end, is something I don’t comprehend. I will never understand the timing behind everything. Knowing you thought about divorcing me for 4 years and never saying a word was a painful journey for me to unravel. The pain which comes from walking through divorce especially with kids takes time to heal. The good news is we have a Savior who heals, takes away the pain and replaces it with joy. There is so much joy on the other side of forgiveness.

I don’t understand.

I will never understand why I was never good enough. Your family and friends were always more important than me. Why wasn’t I worthy of being chosen? Why was being neglected okay? What did I do to cause you to never choose me? I will never know.

I don’t understand.

Why did me believing in Jesus cause you to run? We know several couples of different religious backgrounds who make things work. However, I was not worth getting to know because of what I believed. This makes me not understand.

I don’t understand.

What did the kids do to deserve this? How will you explain choosing to walk away? How can you look at those faces and not want what is best for them? I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

Something happened 5 years ago which caused you to get rid of me. Not sure what occurred, but I never deserved this. All I wanted was for us to have a wonderful life serving each other, our kids and others. You never took partnering with me seriously on this endeavor called marriage.

What I hope

I hope you find what you are looking for in your next season of life. My hope is you know I forgive you for your decision. I also hope you understand questions may come your way. Know that you are loved, and we wish you nothing but the best in your next phase of life.