Having walked through an interesting season this year, I’ve met a few men who have experienced emotional abuse. I was surprised to hear how often men are being emotional abused in marriages and relationships. To see the sadness in their eyes at what they experienced at the hands of women was hard to see. Most people think, especially based on statistics, that women are more abused than men. But in recent years as women shift in roles and hold more heart woundings, they are being the perpetrators towards the men in their lives. How can we as women respect men, give value and call men higher to not settle for less than standards?
Recognize and Understand Your Identity
So many people are walking around lost and confused. They don’t know who they are because they don’t know whose they are. When you accept Jesus as your Savior, your identity is automatically changed. You go from sinner to saint. You no longer have to walk with your head down, but held high knowing you are part of a royal priesthood. So many in the church teach a false theology of grace saved sinner. No, that’s no longer your identity! When you come to understand who you are in the Kingdom, you walk and talk differently. You learn how to respect yourself and others. This is true for men and women.
Emotional abuse happens in very subtle ways to start. And over time, it becomes more insidious weaving itself into relationships not allowing the person to be safe. When you are being emotionally abused, you accept unhealthy things. An example is, “I watched my ex-wife cheat on me one night.” This stunning statement came from an acquittance I know. Floored as I listened to this person recount their experience, I looked at them and said they needed to be respected and what happened was abuse. When the truth and reality of who you are in Christ becomes twisted or you never learn your identity in Christ, we allow unhealthy relational behavior to pervade our very core.
Lift Men Up
We as a society have eroded men’s proper place. Men are called to be leaders and be leaders in homes, businesses, government, etc. Men are biologically designed to lead, and God has given them many talents in this area. What’s heart breaking is watching women tear men down, not allowing them to take their rightful place in life. I know at times in my previous marriage I wanted to be in control, and it caused dissension in our relationship. Men need to be complimented, lifted up and held to a high standard.
Boundaries are important to mention here. It’s important for women and men to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships expressing needs each party has while doing it with respect and honor. We have forgotten what it means to honor others. It means being able to have honest discussions while keeping each other in mind trying not to hurt the other person intentionally.
Respect and Honor
Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. It’s also called esteem, is a positive feeling or deferential action shown towards someone or something considered important or held in high esteem or regard. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. It is also the process of honoring someone by exhibiting care, concern, or consideration for their needs or feelings
Honor is high respect; great esteem. The biblical words often translated as “honor” can have a number of shades of meaning. As a baseline definition, to honor means to esteem and treat another with respect because of who they are or what they have done. Honor has the sense of value, price, or quality. That which is valued and esteemed is “honored.” The biblical use sometimes also means to seek to enhance the reputation of someone. (What Is Honor? | Tabletalk) Keeping both front and center in your relationships and honoring others will create generational ripple effects.
When we neglect others, we are most likely neglecting ourselves and not valuing the way God made us. His ultimate value in us is what matters. If you encounter emotional abuse in any relationship, male or female, recognize and identify it, learn how to confront it, and move on. You were created with value and meant to be esteemed. The biblical emphasis on honoring others has everything to do with the biblical command to honor God. God fashioned human beings in His image. When we honor others, no matter who they are, we honor God. As we honor God, we increase His esteem in the world and attest to His ultimate value.
