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Rob Porter, the classic narcissist

Posted by on Feb 27, 2018 in Domestic Violence | 0 comments

Domestic violence is prevalent in today’s news. Recently, Rob Porter who resigned from the White House two weeks ago, had allegations of abuse come against him by two ex-wives.

As it turns out, the first #MeToo story to actually trip up the White House needed to be as graphic and violent as the accusations against Rob Porter. It involved a Rhodes Scholar golden boy who had been married to two old-fashioned girls. This, and indeed the entire situation, provides the perfect mirror to reflect all the ways in which systems, fail women. (

Willoughby’s, one of his ex-wives, blog post detailing her abuse did not name Porter, but it did use her own name. It has been live since April 24, 2017. She wrote: “The first time he called me a ‘f***ing b****’ was on our honeymoon. (I found out years later he had kicked his first wife on theirs.)”

The article detailing the graphic accusations against Rob Porter certainly struck a nerve. How did such a high-performing narcissist rise in the political ranks? Very easily due to their ability to disguise their behavior for Mr. Nice guy. What the average citizen doesn’t realize is that these men are extremely educated, charming, likable guys you would go have a beer with at the local bar. They are your next door neighbors or even your local politician. Rob Porter rose through the ranks undetected because they care greatly about their reputation despite hurting loved ones. It happens all the time, in work places all over America to unsuspecting people.

His ex-wives were probably just as unsuspecting of the abuse waiting them. The wives detailed the abuse, let others know and no action was taken. I went through the same thing. I took pictures of the abuse, told co-workers in case I never showed up to work, and reported it to the police. The only way a place of employment finds out is if the person perpetrates an act of violence in the work place. Since he played the part of Mr. Nice guy at work, why would they have suspected him? And even though there was a protection order against him, when do background checks happen at the White House? They definitely should be more thorough. The wives did the right thing in reporting him, but it fell through cracks. This is where laws need to change and causes like Ending Violence Against Women are needed to combat these issues.

For the White House not knowing, I don’t find it hard to believe. There’s a reason for separation between work and personal lives. It’s when your personal life bleeds into work that problems arise i.e. violence toward others. And to be fair to the abuser, they deserve the right to due process until proven guilty, otherwise the laws in place won’t work effectively.

 Kelly sent an email to White House staff about domestic violence, writing, “While we are all processing the shocking and troubling allegations made against a former White House staffer, I want you to know that we all take matters of domestic violence seriously. Domestic violence is abhorrent and has no place in our society.” CNN News

Rob Porter is the quintessential narcissist and should have been fired earlier than he was. To his wives, my heart breaks for the suffering they experienced. Only time heals those deep wounds. And to people who question this behavior, stand up if you see something suspicious with a co-worker. You never know whose life you might save.

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